HOW MUCH DOES PERFECT COST?

I'm still thinking about the holidays. I had 39 people over for dinner on Christmas Eve. That wasn't a bad thing. My husband's family is large and has lots of great people in it. I made some fairly simple plans and has some pot luck help with the food. All good.

The problem is, at the end of the day I was so utterly done, I was almost sick from stress and complete exhaustion. And the reason was not the 39 guests but my own perfectionism. I had to make all homemade rolls and homemade desserts and decorate everything. Really?

People are usually perfectionists because they came from dysfunctional homes, like I did. My dad was an alcoholic and my mom was angry. This meant that the things that happened were not always (or even often) logical. When a child does nothing wrong and then gets smacked upside the head for it. (i.e. accidentally waking a sleeping drunk) or does something that is actually wrong and then receives no discipline for that—it is confusing for the kid. The end result is, the child cannot make logical sense of the world. As a child who grew up in such a home, I believed, “If I just don't do anything wrong, then I won't get into trouble.” You try to be perfect. The problem was, I would go for perfect everywhere. and all the time

There you go, the perfect recipe to create OCD perfectionism. Now I'm older and I do see myself acting that way and I fight it, but at times of high stress, I often revert to the old normal. These holidays left me spinning my wheels like a little choo-choo train that ran round and round, up and over the tiny tracks until I fell over on my side. My wheels and gears spun like crazy until I ran out of steam and...was gasping for breath. If you can imagine a train gasping for breath.

Silly me. Sadly, the food I did eat, I didn't even enjoy because I was so distracted. I hardly visited with friends and family because I was too busy. Food—there are times when it is good and right to eat good food and celebrate with loved ones. Not gorging, but certainly not dieting during Christmas dinner, not eating nonstop throughout the last three weeks of December, just eating normally. Good decent enjoyable food in moderation most of the time, with a feast or two thrown in for the sake of celebration and joy. That is my plan and how I want to find normal again.

Resolved for next year: I will slow down and enjoy the day. I will plan, but let go and relax when the plans don't all work out. I will enjoy the food and feasting at times--but most especially the people. Sit, hear, talk, laugh.

I have heard the perfect is the enemy of the good. Lord help me put aside perfect and go after the good.