COURAGE AND STIR VIGOROUSLY

Finding Normal is my kind of Don Quixote quest. I'm getting on my horse and picking up my jousting spear.... The term “quixotic” (from the book, Don Quixote) describes someone who takes an idealistic or foolish quest against great odds. I think this fits. My goals are pretty ridiculous and I know that I'm a dreamer sometimes, but the world needs more dreamers, doesn't it?

Courage is my word for today. It is few days after Christmas and my goal for the last two years has been to figure out how to live and eat like a “normal” person would. Surely that is possible? Can someone just live and eat and not struggle with weight all the time? Not obsess over every meal?

Isn't it possible to just eat enough to live and not pad my middle with that five pounds a year that adds up and up? And can I do this without throwing all the ugly hate talk at myself and without looking and comparing myself with the smiling stick-ladies in pretty clothes on the Macy's ad?

I don't know. But it is time for courage. My sweet daughter-in-law Hannah is here for Christmas. She is the best. For some reason, she really, really likes me. Sometimes she comes over just to hang out. If there is any reason in my life for people to be jealous of me, Hannah is way up there on the list.

With Hannah comes my grandson Nels. He turned one on Christmas Day. Really fun. That means, in addition to the meat, fancy potatoes, gravy, token salad so we can say we had veggies, creamed and buttered this and that, new recipes and traditional foods, we also had birthday cake. Hannah showed great courage today. When the party was over, she took that cake and scraped it into the garbage. Thank you so much!! Every time I walked by, my fingers ached to pinch off one of the little blue frosting stars! Courage. I sent lots of homemade pie away too. With skinny people I care about. Just let go I say....

Holidays are lovely, hard, and weird. I may be some kind of other-aholics, but luckily I haven't had to fight alcohol addiction. I do know that A.A. uses the initials H.A.L.T. We all become vulnerable when we are Hungry, Angry, Lonely or Tired. Those words often define the holidays, don't they? With all of the complicated high-octane give & take up & down emotions that happen during a holiday, we can expect to struggle with emotions and unplanned emotional eating.

But, back to finding normal. I think our whole cultural philosophy toward dieting ignores a major psychological component. When you decide to lose weight, much of the advice is pretty simple. Stop eating too much. Trade high calorie foods for low calorie foods. Exercise. Add veggies and stir vigorously.

Well, Captain Obvious, that doesn't work very well does it? Not for most of us. Why not? Could it be because all those emotional and cultural links are not taken into account?

A few years ago, my friend, Sherri, had an exchange student from Norway staying in her home, Hokan. He was a nice kid. All four of my grandparents are from Norway and I have a few traditional recipes I had learned over the years. I made Hokan some lefse (Norwegian potato flatbread) and some Krumkake (cookies made on a special waffle iron). I sent over a couple plates and then later I asked my friend Sherri if they liked the food I had sent. She said, “I don't know, Hokan ate it all and never let us taste it.”

That may sound selfish or thoughtless, but she had a teenager far away from home who had a plate that reminded him of all the places and people he was missing during the holidays. It wasn't so selfish. He was comforting himself with food at a time when he really needed it.

It doesn't make sense, but it does. I make lefse on Thanksgiving and Christmas. Lefse is a dry, flatbread made with potatoes and flour. It is pretty bland. New people at my table during the holidays taste lefse and smile politely. They see nothing attractive in this new food. One year I did not make any and everyone at the table (those related to me) were shocked, dismayed, and etc. because of my lack of foresight. Ooops. Lefse was a memory food. It was a family connection food. It meant something. I did not fully understand and that is why I chose to skip the chore of cooking a batch for my grown kids.

Why did they care? I think it is because food is not just food. It has many emotional connections. Over the holidays, I'm trying to walk the tightrope between finding comfort in my food when I am tired and stressed by my busyness. I need to enjoy the traditions and taste of the memories. I want to eat and laugh with loved ones. Food makes us happy and holidays are very much a time for making happy and more memories too.

Balance. Pie and feasting for a few days during the month will not do me in. Feasting for the whole month—not so good. My grade for December is a C+. I probably have inserted a week and a half of feasting so far when three days would have been enough.

COURAGE! Forgiveness directed toward self. Now, self, go out, eat moderately and stir vigorously. (Maybe on the elliptical. :))