I just read a book by Leslie Leyland
Fields and Dr. Jill Hubbard. It is Titled Forgiving Our Fathers
and Mothers:Finding Freedom from Hurt and Hate.
We
keep reading about how good it is for our health to let go of
bitterness and anger. It seems to be common knowledge that
those angry emotions are a path to high blood pressure, heart
disease, and ulcers.
Even
so, this is kind of an
embarrassing book to claim to have read and needed, I mean, I don't want everyone to know I still have “issues” hanging around from my parents!? I'm over 50! I
have to say though, it was a very powerful book and I learned a lot.
Since my goal is to find a healthy normal,
I must admit that finding full
forgiveness is so very
crucial in my search to find
normal.
I think that finding normalcy & health in my body, mind, and soul will take a lot of... forgiving.
Some
of the highlights from the book: We should see, not just
ourselves as mortally
wounded, but our parents
also. The author had us
envision ourselves
and our families as wounded
travelers,
stripped and beaten,
lying beside the road as in the Bible story of the good Samaritan. It is true that many
of us are
emotionally
broken and wounded by
our past experiences.
Fields gave us another perspective on the past when she quoted Dr. Dan
Allender, saying
“that every hurt and disaster is also a chance for redemption”
(p. 12).
Fields also asked her readers
if we “will break the generational cycle of selfishness” (p.152).
I had not really thought of
unforgiveness in the same camp as ...selfishness, but
in some ways, it can be that.
My dad
was an alcoholic and my mom was a bitter angry
woman who favored her one son and did damage to
me daily with
her vitriolic tongue. As a
child, I built walls to protect myself, but now, for health's sake,
the walls need to come down and true forgiveness must become mortar needed to rebuild. But what
is true forgiveness? Is it
forgetting? Is it turning away from bitterness? According to Fields,
it is far, far more than that.
The
most moving and shocking story from Field's book reported
on a note discovered in the pocket
of a child in the Ravensbruk
death camp. Here I am, trying to forgive a few parental
injustices and some lack of
love and then I read this magnificent
note found in that
scene of unimaginable horror:
O Lord... Do not remember all the
suffering they have inflicted on us: Instead remember the fruits we
have borne because of this suffering—our fellowship, our loyalty to
one another, our humility, our courage, our generosity, our greatness
of heart that has grown from this trouble. When our persecutors come
to be judged by You, let all these fruits that we have borne be their
forgiveness, Amen (p. 170)
Can
we possibly
pray and think this way toward
those proven
to be our enemies?
Can we
plead for
the blessings
of God on
those who hurt us?
Can we
see and appreciate the strengths
and growth God has given us carved out of injustice and sorrow?
We
have faced huge
hurts. If
we allow it, God can
turn those to
our good.
Is it possible that we can
then ask
God that blessings and credit
for the
good He gave us be
poured out on
those who intended for us
only evil?
Those
thoughts take my breath away.
May it
be so with me, Lord Jesus. Amen.
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