Finding Normal is my kind of Don
Quixote quest. I'm getting on my horse and picking up my jousting
spear.... The term “quixotic” (from the book, Don Quixote)
describes someone who takes an idealistic or foolish quest against
great odds. I think this fits. My goals are pretty ridiculous and I
know that I'm a dreamer sometimes, but the world needs more dreamers,
doesn't it?
Courage
is my
word for today. It is few
days
after Christmas and my goal for the last two years has been to figure
out how to live and eat like a “normal” person would. Surely
that is possible? Can someone just live and eat and not struggle with
weight all the time? Not obsess over every meal?
Isn't
it possible to just eat
enough to live and
not pad my middle with that five pounds
a year that adds
up and up? And can I do this without throwing
all the ugly hate talk at
myself and without looking
and comparing myself with the smiling stick-ladies
in pretty clothes on
the Macy's ad?
I
don't know. But it
is time for courage. My sweet
daughter-in-law Hannah is here for Christmas. She
is the best. For some reason, she really, really likes me. Sometimes
she comes over just to hang out. If there is any reason in my life
for people to be jealous of me, Hannah is way up there on
the list.
With
Hannah comes my grandson
Nels. He turned one on
Christmas Day. Really fun.
That means, in addition to the meat, fancy potatoes, gravy, token
salad so we can say we had veggies, creamed and buttered this and
that, new recipes and traditional foods, we also had birthday cake.
Hannah showed great courage today. When
the party was over, she took
that cake and scraped it into the garbage. Thank you so much!! Every
time I walked by, my fingers ached to pinch off one of the little
blue frosting stars! Courage. I
sent lots of homemade pie away too. With skinny people I care about.
Just let go I say....
Holidays
are lovely, hard, and weird. I may be some kind of other-aholics, but
luckily I haven't had to fight alcohol addiction. I do know that A.A.
uses the initials H.A.L.T. We all become vulnerable when we are
Hungry, Angry, Lonely or Tired. Those words often define the
holidays, don't they? With all of the complicated high-octane give &
take up & down emotions that happen during a holiday, we can
expect to struggle with emotions and unplanned emotional eating.
But,
back to finding normal. I think our
whole cultural philosophy
toward dieting ignores a major psychological component. When you
decide to lose weight, much of the advice is pretty simple. Stop
eating too much. Trade high calorie foods for low calorie foods.
Exercise.
Add veggies and stir
vigorously.
Well,
Captain Obvious, that doesn't work very well does it? Not for most of
us. Why not? Could it be
because all those emotional
and cultural links are not taken into account?
A
few years ago, my friend, Sherri,
had an exchange student from Norway staying in her home, Hokan. He
was a nice kid. All four of my grandparents are from Norway and I
have a few traditional recipes I had
learned over the years. I made Hokan some lefse (Norwegian potato
flatbread) and some Krumkake (cookies made on a special waffle iron).
I sent over a couple plates
and then later I asked my friend Sherri if they liked the food I had
sent. She said, “I don't know, Hokan ate it all and never let us
taste it.”
That
may sound selfish or thoughtless,
but she had a teenager far away from home who had a plate that
reminded him of all the places and people he was missing during the
holidays. It wasn't so selfish. He was comforting himself with food
at a time when he really needed it.
It
doesn't make sense, but it does. I make lefse on Thanksgiving and
Christmas. Lefse is a dry, flatbread made with potatoes and flour. It
is pretty bland. New people
at my table during the holidays taste lefse and smile politely. They
see nothing attractive in this new food. One year I did not make any
and everyone at the table (those
related to me) were shocked,
dismayed, and etc. because of my lack of foresight. Ooops. Lefse
was a memory food. It was a family connection food. It meant
something. I did not fully understand and that is why I chose to skip
the chore of cooking a batch for my grown kids.
Why
did they care? I think it is because food is not just food. It has
many emotional connections. Over the holidays, I'm trying to walk the
tightrope between finding comfort in my food when I am tired and
stressed by my busyness. I need to enjoy the traditions and taste of
the memories. I want to eat and laugh with loved ones. Food makes us
happy and holidays are very much a time for making happy and more
memories too.
Balance.
Pie and feasting for a few days during the month will not do me in.
Feasting for the whole month—not so good. My grade for
December is a C+. I probably have inserted a week and a half of
feasting so far when three days would have been enough.
COURAGE!
Forgiveness directed toward self. Now, self, go out, eat moderately
and stir vigorously. (Maybe on the elliptical. :))
